Summers were spent biking to the beach and fishing from an old railroad bridge turned biking trail. We played hide and seek or kick the can with the neighborhood children until the street lights came on indicating it was time to go home. The civic band played concerts in the park on summer Tuesday evenings while an ice cream social raised money for a church or social group. Winters were spent ice skating on rinks at several area parks and elementary schools. We went sledding on nearby hills and tobogganed on the chute the city maintained at the local fairgrounds. It was a wonderful place to grow up in the 1970s.
We had a lot of fun in our charming little town. Even so, I always felt like an outsider. Friendships were formed long before we arrived. Children had their friends before they ever set foot in school for kindergarten. When I arrived, I was automatically an outsider but I still had a few friends.
After two years in my neighborhood school, my mom made the decision to enroll me in the Catholic school four blocks away. None of those children lived in the neighborhood. Or even the city. The only time we could play after school or during the summer was if one of our moms was willing to drive to the other’s house. That rarely happened. Often, we would go for a sleepover on Friday after school and be returned to the respective parent at church services on Saturday night or Sunday morning.
By third grade, my mom thought it was a great time for me to join 4-H. She found a very large club with many activities for the members. I lived and went to school in the city but the club was in the country and many of the members went to the same school outside of the city. I participated in everything I could but I was still an outsider. I did make one friend in 4-H and we remained friends through high school.
Being an outsider felt even more obvious by junior high. I did everything right. I played sports, played in band, and participated in the school play. I had many friends across all these groups but I still felt like an outsider. We were poor and I was embarrassed by this.
My friends had the latest clothes. I'd have them next year when my mom shopped at their mom’s rummage sales over the summer. I was the only person with a brown bag lunch on school or 4-H field trips. Other parents just gave their kids $10 to eat and buy souvenirs. I stopped eating lunch on those trips and started making my own clothes so I wasn't dressed in the latest garage sale chic.
When I entered high school, I was a cheerleader, an honor student, and involved in every club I thought was interesting. I was still an outsider and it felt like my mom was intent on keeping me that way.
Cheerleading camp was held in my hometown my first year on the high school squad. My mom couldn't afford it so I worked during the summer to pay for my share of camp and my uniforms. I was so grateful when one girl's mom suggested we all sleep over at her house during camp. We could bond as a squad without having to pay for a hotel. The cost savings to me was tremendous. Unfortunately, my mom said no. I was only 14 and she wasn't sure how well we would be supervised for that week. It was humiliating to ride my bike to camp the first morning knowing I'd have to tell the other girls I had to go home that night. I was thankful for being stung by a bee the first day. I became sick had to miss the rest of the week so I never had to face the humiliation of telling the other girls I would not have been able to stay the night with them.
I didn't like being judged. I learned how to hide our family's poverty from my friends. And I learned not to judge others. I wasn't popular. I was the cheerleader who marched with the band. I was the only girl in the industrial arts class and I was elected foreman of that class. I was an athlete who dated the farmers. I was the girl lifting weights with the wrestling team. I didn't belong to any of the cliques but I had friends in all of them.
I spent so much time feeling like an outsider that I vowed
to do my best so I don’t make anyone else feel like that. Nobody is beneath me.
I talk to housekeeping when we stay in hotels. I buy Christmas gifts for the
lady who cleans my office at work. When a retail employee says hello or
good-bye, I make sure I acknowledge them. It doesn’t take anything from me to
be nice and it can mean a lot to someone else.
prompt: cliques
prompt: cliques
