Speak with Passion

My mom grew up in a very small town. Many of the residents were born there, spent their lives farming there, and died there.

My uncle, her youngest brother, wasn't having any of that. He never wanted to work hard so he knew farming wasn't for him. He viewed the Marine Corps as his way out. I'm not sure how he decided this was less work than farming and I've never asked. He enlisted in the Marines because his older brothers and one sister had served in the Army and the Air Force. He also did not want to be on a boat so the Navy was out.

I was quite young when my uncle left for boot camp so I have no memory of it.  I learned later that he was an embassy guard. He'll tell you he was selected for that assignment because he looked good in the uniform. (My family is very modest.) During his four-year commitment, he mailed us letters and gifts from all over the world. I still have the wooden shoes he sent me from his trip to Holland.

Girl-child owns a beer stein he sent to his mother from Germany. After Grandma passed away, the stein was returned to him. He gifted it to girl-child because she had also been to Germany, speaks the language, and loves the country.

When I was nine or ten, this uncle came to stay with us for a visit. I don't remember if he was still in the service but - if forced to answer the question - I would say his commitment was up.

He was sleeping on the pull-out couch in the living room. I was always an early riser so I'm sure I was warned against waking him up in the morning when my mom sent me to bed the night before. I'm also sure I forgot that by morning when I crept downstairs in my pajamas. I didn't wake him though. I asked if he was awake and he replied that he was.

I crawled onto the couch with him and we talked for a long time. He talked to me like I was an adult. He told me he was thinking of asking his girlfriend to marry him. And he shared details of his recent trip to the former Soviet Union.

He described Red Square in such vivid detail that I could see colorful St. Basil's Cathedral. He also told me about waiting in line to visit Lenin's tomb. I learned Lenin’s body has been on display since his death in the 1920s. My uncle described the glass case the body was in, the lighting, and how Lenin's body seemed to glow like it was gilded.

He painted such vivid pictures of these far-away lands that - even as a young child - I knew I wanted to travel. I needed to travel. To see things. To live life.

Almost 30 years later, this same uncle made a passing comment in an email that he doesn't share his stories because nobody listens and nobody cares. I had to respond and tell him how his stories inspired me. He doesn't remember our early morning conversation but he was impressed with all the details I could recall - including the name of that long-ago girlfriend.

What I've learned from this is that we should all tell our tales and share our stories. You never know who is listening and how it might change their life.

prompt: Soviet

Busy, busy, busy

You’ll find few people in life who are busier than I am. I work full time and I’m enrolled in 13 college credits. I’m an accelerated student. The simple definition of being an accelerated student is that most of my education comes from self-study. I spend one hour in class and four hours outside class for each credit in which I’m enrolled. Let’s do the math on this.

There are 168 hours available in a week. I spend 42.5 of those at work and 65 with school activities. That leaves 60.5 hours per week for other activities. This equates to less than nine hours per day for sleeping, eating, showering, my 40-minute, one-way commute, and time with family and friends – many times by entertaining them in our home. Additionally, in the last semester, my mother-in-law was hospitalized for two weeks in a city more than an hour away. I managed to visit her five times during those 14 days.

We also have five adult children and three grandchildren. We try to attend every activity they are involved in and support them in their work. There are birthday dinners, softball games, choir and band concerts, basketball games, and church and school plays and programs.

My life requires balance and strict scheduling to accomplish everything. I’ve traveled in the passenger seat of our car on trips with my open laptop on my lap writing papers. I’ve had textbooks in my lap while camping with family and friends.

Some things are overlooked because they are low on the priority list. Our cars go too long between oil changes. Our Christmas tree had lights but no ornaments this past year. And you could write your name in the dust on our bookshelves if it wasn’t for our awesome cleaning person.

If anyone can claim the label of “too busy,” it is me. I am not sharing this to complain about my life. Or to brag about it. It is not a badge of honor. I don’t share this to show I’m in demand. My hectic schedule is just life. My life until I graduate in five months.

I share this because I have a pet peeve and I need to address it. It is the phrase “too busy.”

I’ve invited a good friend to dinner at least three times over the past year. Each time my invite has been met with a response telling me how busy she is. She is a single mom who works part time and shares custody of her kids with their father. How busy can she possibly be? This response did not make me feel valued as a friend or as a person.

I believe this line is a cop-out used to protect peoples’ feelings. If someone invites you to do something and you really don’t want to it, it’s easier to say “I’m busy” that is it to say “I’d rather not do that” or “I’d rather not spend time with you.” It's possible it is also used to protect the person saying it. It's easier on the ego to say "I'm busy" that to admit the suggested activity isn't in your budget.

Either way, when I hear this phrase repeatedly from the same person, I feel like I am being blown off in the nicest way the speaker knows how to blow people off.

In contrast, we were invited to a friend’s lake home last summer. We were busy on the date she suggested but we wanted to spend time with this couple. My response to her invite was, “I’m so sorry. We’re busy on that date. Can we look at another time? I know we’re available on…”

I gave her three dates over the next two months when we could visit with them at their home. I believe my choice to offer other dates let her know they are important to us, we value their friendship, and we wanted to spend time with them.

I was on my way home from work tonight when another friend posted on Facebook that he was going out to dinner. He asked if anyone wanted to join him. I've been trying to connect with him for months. I really should have stopped at the eye doctor to pick up my contacts and gone home to study but I didn't. I turned my car around and headed in the direction of the restaurant he suggested. We spent a wonderful evening catching up.

I don’t usually make New Year’s Resolutions. I believe that every day is a good day to make positive changes in life. We each have the same 168 hours in our week. We choose how to spend those hours. From this point forward, I will never tell our family and friends we are too busy. I will find the way. I will find a reason. I will make an effort so every important person in our life feels important to us. I challenge you to do the same. Well, unless you need help moving. Then I'm busy.

prompt: busy

How Travel Taught Me to Relax

As a child and teenager, I traveled frequently with my family. We were poor so these trips were mostly camping. We hooked our pop-up camper up to the car and off we went.
As a young adult, travel was out of the question. Instead of going to college after high school, I moved across the state, bought a duplex, became a landlord, met a man who didn’t work and married him. All these responsibilities before I was old enough to drink!

We were very poor. By poor, I mean poverty that most people cannot imagine. Poor people don’t own cars. I had to save to buy a pair of blue jeans that didn't dome from Goodwill.  When both of the hot water heaters in our duplex failed within two days, we could only afford to replace one and we knew the tenants would not pay their rent if we didn't provide them with hot water. We needed their rent to pay the mortgage and replace the other water heater so we went without hot water for nearly a month.
This life was glamorous so we decided it was a great idea to have a child. No, it wasn't an accident. We actually planned this! What were we thinking?
Pregnancy complications put me on bed rest at 26 weeks. I went from two jobs that barely paid our bills to short term disability income from my employer. $116 per week. I will remember that amount for the rest of my life because I was so grateful for the help. That $116 provided heat and groceries but nothing else.
Five and one half months later I returned to my two jobs, being a landlord, and having a mortgage that was now 5 months behind. I also owed my employer because they paid my portion of my health insurance premiums while I was on disability. Add motherhood to my life. I’m now responsible for this tiny little person and I’m in charge of keeping her alive.
There is only one way to survive and escape extreme poverty. Extreme planning.
I planned everything. Menus were based on the weekly sale flyers. And I loved when whole chickens were on sale. Roasted one day. Leftovers in chicken salad the next. And those bones? Most people would just throw those out but there was no waste at my house. Those bones became chicken soup on day three.
Our budget was projected out for a couple years. I spent hours with my 3-ring binder. Page one listed all the bills and how much I was paying that month. Page two was the next month. It listed the new balance and what I planned to pay that month. These pages went on for about three years. 
You're familiar with Murphy's Law, right? Anytime Murphy came to visit and throw a monkey wrench in my budget, I tore out the following months and started over. Many months I was only able to pay $1 on past due balances. That was it. It was all I had but everyone got something. My first priorities were my mortgage and repaying my employer. Both of those were caught up within seven months of returning to work.
I also planned my day to the minute. Get up at this time. This many minutes to get ready. This many to bike to work. Work until this time. Bike ride to my second job takes exactly this long. Yes, bike. Even public transportation was a strain on our budget.
Unless you’ve lived like this, it's hard to imagine the stress.
I used the planning skills I developed to plan a way out. I found a job in which the hours worked for me to go back to school. Even better, it offered tuition reimbursement! It took me five years to earn that two year degree. And money was even tighter because I had to give up my second job.
Once school was over, I was able to get a better job. The next step was cutting the dead weight. I know. I know. I shouldn’t refer to my daughter’s father like that but she didn’t hear me so it’s ok, right? Without sharing the ugly details, I filed for divorce and moved out of my duplex.
This was terrifying. I knew from experience I could fall behind on my mortgage and not get kicked out. I could dodge the collection calls while reworking my cash flow in my ring binder. As a landlord, I knew this would not be tolerated from a tenant.
Before I signed the lease, I made sure I knew the electric costs the last tenant paid. I set a goal to cut that by 1/3. Electricity vampires like the TV and microwave were plugged into power strips that were only on when that appliance was in use. My daughter – still alive and now 12 – developed a wasteful habit of falling asleep with her lamp on. You know I put that on a timer!
Laundry was hung to dry. No need to waste money on something the sun and air would do for free. I also put night lights in the bathroom because you don't really need the overhead light to find the toilet. It’s not like it moves. And it’s relaxing to shower by night light. Pro tip: a white shower curtain is better for this than a plum colored one. Trust me.
I feared running out of groceries. My planner kicked in. I created a menu for an entire month that would feed us for about $60. It wasn’t the most healthy menu but it was comforting to have the security. We never went hungry and we never used that menu.
Things got much better over the next year. Soon it was time for my daughter’s 8^th grade trip to Washington DC. I scrimped and saved and she hit up all of her family with fundraisers. My sister took her to Disney every other year and her grandfather took her wherever he was going so this was not the first time she traveled. But it was her first time without family and she loved it.
Fast forward a few more years. I had tucked away enough for us to take our first vacation for her 16^th birthday. I let her choose our destination and she thought I should see Washington DC.
I started planning. And planning. And planning. I set up an itinerary listing what we would do when. We could stay with my best gay, Rob, so we didn’t have to pay for a hotel room.
Rob picked us up at the airport. When we arrived at his condo, I showed him my itinerary. He looked it over carefully and threw it out! He said we would wing it. I knew we'd be fine with a local as our tour guide.
The next morning we got on the subway to start our adventure. Eventually, he surprised me by saying he was going to work. He instructed us to go three more stops then get off and explore.
Here I am in a strange city with no map, no plan, and an almost-16-year-old human I am still responsible for keeping alive.
I should have been terrified by this but I wasn’t. It was exhilarating. We had freedom! Sweet freedom. There was no place we needed to be and nothing we needed to do.
In our four days we saw the typical sights but we also experienced things that were not on my original list. We wandered through China Town,

ate at a very busy dive looking restaurant that turned out to be a local landmark,

and enjoyed burgers at 5 Guys Burgers and Fries before they moved to Wisconsin. We had so much fun that I made a vow that this is how I would always travel.
Now I pick a destination and we find things to do while we’re there. When I remarried, our honeymoon was like this. On our wedding day, family and friends kept asking where we were going. And they were all shocked when we responded that we had no idea.
When it was time to leave, we loaded our camping gear and picked a direction. We headed south. When we reached Kentucky, we decided to stay. We spent a week touring the area, learning about horse racing, visiting museums, and sampling bourbon from every distillery along the way.
There are drawbacks to this type of travel. In Nashville we wanted to see an art museum inside their reproduction of Greece’s Parthenon. Unfortunately, it was closed on Monday. So are most of the tourist locations on Madeline Island.
If we planned our trips, we would not have pulled off the main route to see the covered bridges in Madison County Iowa on our way back from a family wedding. Yes, THOSE bridges.

We would not have experienced the roaring sound of the ice volcanoes in Door County, Wisconsin a few years ago.

Or the Field of Dreams movie site when the hot air balloon festival we were planning to attend in nearby Galena, IL was cancelled due to rain.

Or this actual hole in the wall somewhere in South Dakota.

On a recent trip out west, we visited Devil’s Tower in Wyoming. When we realized we were 30 miles from Montana, we knew we had to go. It didn’t matter that there was no road. The construction company had a pilot car that led the way over…I’m not sure. A road bed? An old train track route? It didn’t matter. We made it to Montana, found a biker bar, and enjoyed a piece of pie. Just because we were close.

On our return trip to Wisconsin, we had dinner at this rest stop in Colorado for the same reason we had the pie in Montana. It was close.

This type of travel has caused my daughter to be fearless. She has traveled through some of the world’s busiest airports on her own – and many before she turned 18. She recently moved to New York with no job and no savings, but she had a few friends who would let her couch surf. She's 23 now and responsible for keeping herself alive and she’s making it work.
It has taught me how to relax and enjoy myself more. I still budget but I no longer panic when the electric bill is too high. OK. I confess. I still shower by night light. It is very relaxing. Try it.
I believe everyone should get in their car, pick a direction, and just go. You’ll be surprised what you learn about where you end up and what you learn about yourself in the process.
With that in mind, I’m going to leave you with this quote from Mark Twain.

prompt: travel