As a child
and teenager, I traveled frequently with my family. We were poor so these trips were mostly camping. We hooked our pop-up camper
up to the car and off we went.
As a young adult, travel was out of the question. Instead of going to college after high school, I moved across the state, bought a duplex, became a landlord, met a man who didn’t work and married him. All these responsibilities before I was old enough to drink!
As a young adult, travel was out of the question. Instead of going to college after high school, I moved across the state, bought a duplex, became a landlord, met a man who didn’t work and married him. All these responsibilities before I was old enough to drink!
We were very
poor. By poor, I mean poverty that most people cannot imagine. Poor people
don’t own cars. I had to save to buy a pair of blue jeans that didn't dome from Goodwill. When both of the hot water heaters in our duplex failed
within two days, we could
only afford to replace one and we knew the tenants would not pay their rent if we didn't provide them with hot water. We needed their rent to pay the mortgage and replace the other water heater so we went without hot water for nearly a month.
This life was glamorous so we decided it was a great idea to have a child. No, it wasn't an accident. We actually planned this! What were we thinking?
Pregnancy complications put me on bed rest at 26 weeks. I went from two jobs that barely paid our bills to short term disability income from my employer. $116 per week. I will remember that amount for the rest of my life because I was so grateful for the help. That $116 provided heat and groceries but nothing else.
Five and one half months later I returned to my two jobs, being a landlord, and having a mortgage that was now 5 months behind. I also owed my employer because they paid my portion of my health insurance premiums while I was on disability. Add motherhood to my life. I’m now responsible for this tiny little person and I’m in charge of keeping her alive.
There is only one way to survive and escape extreme poverty. Extreme planning.
I planned everything. Menus were based on the weekly sale flyers. And I loved when whole chickens were on sale. Roasted one day. Leftovers in chicken salad the next. And those bones? Most people would just throw those out but there was no waste at my house. Those bones became chicken soup on day three.
Our budget was projected out for a couple years. I spent hours with my 3-ring binder. Page one listed all the bills and how much I was paying that month. Page two was the next month. It listed the new balance and what I planned to pay that month. These pages went on for about three years.
You're familiar with Murphy's Law, right? Anytime Murphy came to visit and throw a monkey wrench in my budget, I tore out the following months and started over. Many months I was only able to pay $1 on past due balances. That was it. It was all I had but everyone got something. My first priorities were my mortgage and repaying my employer. Both of those were caught up within seven months of returning to work.
I also planned my day to the minute. Get up at this time. This many minutes to get ready. This many to bike to work. Work until this time. Bike ride to my second job takes exactly this long. Yes, bike. Even public transportation was a strain on our budget.
Unless you’ve lived like this, it's hard to imagine the stress.
I used the planning skills I developed to plan a way out. I found a job in which the hours worked for me to go back to school. Even better, it offered tuition reimbursement! It took me five years to earn that two year degree. And money was even tighter because I had to give up my second job.
Once school was over, I was able to get a better job. The next step was cutting the dead weight. I know. I know. I shouldn’t refer to my daughter’s father like that but she didn’t hear me so it’s ok, right? Without sharing the ugly details, I filed for divorce and moved out of my duplex.
This was terrifying. I knew from experience I could fall behind on my mortgage and not get kicked out. I could dodge the collection calls while reworking my cash flow in my ring binder. As a landlord, I knew this would not be tolerated from a tenant.
Before I signed the lease, I made sure I knew the electric costs the last tenant paid. I set a goal to cut that by 1/3. Electricity vampires like the TV and microwave were plugged into power strips that were only on when that appliance was in use. My daughter – still alive and now 12 – developed a wasteful habit of falling asleep with her lamp on. You know I put that on a timer!
Laundry was hung to dry. No need to waste money on something the sun and air would do for free. I also put night lights in the bathroom because you don't really need the overhead light to find the toilet. It’s not like it moves. And it’s relaxing to shower by night light. Pro tip: a white shower curtain is better for this than a plum colored one. Trust me.
I feared running out of groceries. My planner kicked in. I created a menu for an entire month that would feed us for about $60. It wasn’t the most healthy menu but it was comforting to have the security. We never went hungry and we never used that menu.
Things got much better over the next year. Soon it was time for my daughter’s 8th grade trip to Washington DC. I scrimped and saved and she hit up all of her family with fundraisers. My sister took her to Disney every other year and her grandfather took her wherever he was going so this was not the first time she traveled. But it was her first time without family and she loved it.
Fast forward a few more years. I had tucked away enough for us to take our first vacation for her 16th birthday. I let her choose our destination and she thought I should see Washington DC.
I started planning. And planning. And planning. I set up an itinerary listing what we would do when. We could stay with my best gay, Rob, so we didn’t have to pay for a hotel room.
Rob picked us up at the airport. When we arrived at his condo, I showed him my itinerary. He looked it over carefully and threw it out! He said we would wing it. I knew we'd be fine with a local as our tour guide.
The next morning we got on the subway to start our adventure. Eventually, he surprised me by saying he was going to work. He instructed us to go three more stops then get off and explore.
Here I am in a strange city with no map, no plan, and an almost-16-year-old human I am still responsible for keeping alive.
I should have been terrified by this but I wasn’t. It was exhilarating. We had freedom! Sweet freedom. There was no place we needed to be and nothing we needed to do.
In our four days we saw the typical sights but we also experienced things that were not on my original list. We wandered through China Town,
This life was glamorous so we decided it was a great idea to have a child. No, it wasn't an accident. We actually planned this! What were we thinking?
Pregnancy complications put me on bed rest at 26 weeks. I went from two jobs that barely paid our bills to short term disability income from my employer. $116 per week. I will remember that amount for the rest of my life because I was so grateful for the help. That $116 provided heat and groceries but nothing else.
Five and one half months later I returned to my two jobs, being a landlord, and having a mortgage that was now 5 months behind. I also owed my employer because they paid my portion of my health insurance premiums while I was on disability. Add motherhood to my life. I’m now responsible for this tiny little person and I’m in charge of keeping her alive.
There is only one way to survive and escape extreme poverty. Extreme planning.
I planned everything. Menus were based on the weekly sale flyers. And I loved when whole chickens were on sale. Roasted one day. Leftovers in chicken salad the next. And those bones? Most people would just throw those out but there was no waste at my house. Those bones became chicken soup on day three.
Our budget was projected out for a couple years. I spent hours with my 3-ring binder. Page one listed all the bills and how much I was paying that month. Page two was the next month. It listed the new balance and what I planned to pay that month. These pages went on for about three years.
You're familiar with Murphy's Law, right? Anytime Murphy came to visit and throw a monkey wrench in my budget, I tore out the following months and started over. Many months I was only able to pay $1 on past due balances. That was it. It was all I had but everyone got something. My first priorities were my mortgage and repaying my employer. Both of those were caught up within seven months of returning to work.
I also planned my day to the minute. Get up at this time. This many minutes to get ready. This many to bike to work. Work until this time. Bike ride to my second job takes exactly this long. Yes, bike. Even public transportation was a strain on our budget.
Unless you’ve lived like this, it's hard to imagine the stress.
I used the planning skills I developed to plan a way out. I found a job in which the hours worked for me to go back to school. Even better, it offered tuition reimbursement! It took me five years to earn that two year degree. And money was even tighter because I had to give up my second job.
Once school was over, I was able to get a better job. The next step was cutting the dead weight. I know. I know. I shouldn’t refer to my daughter’s father like that but she didn’t hear me so it’s ok, right? Without sharing the ugly details, I filed for divorce and moved out of my duplex.
This was terrifying. I knew from experience I could fall behind on my mortgage and not get kicked out. I could dodge the collection calls while reworking my cash flow in my ring binder. As a landlord, I knew this would not be tolerated from a tenant.
Before I signed the lease, I made sure I knew the electric costs the last tenant paid. I set a goal to cut that by 1/3. Electricity vampires like the TV and microwave were plugged into power strips that were only on when that appliance was in use. My daughter – still alive and now 12 – developed a wasteful habit of falling asleep with her lamp on. You know I put that on a timer!
Laundry was hung to dry. No need to waste money on something the sun and air would do for free. I also put night lights in the bathroom because you don't really need the overhead light to find the toilet. It’s not like it moves. And it’s relaxing to shower by night light. Pro tip: a white shower curtain is better for this than a plum colored one. Trust me.
I feared running out of groceries. My planner kicked in. I created a menu for an entire month that would feed us for about $60. It wasn’t the most healthy menu but it was comforting to have the security. We never went hungry and we never used that menu.
Things got much better over the next year. Soon it was time for my daughter’s 8th grade trip to Washington DC. I scrimped and saved and she hit up all of her family with fundraisers. My sister took her to Disney every other year and her grandfather took her wherever he was going so this was not the first time she traveled. But it was her first time without family and she loved it.
Fast forward a few more years. I had tucked away enough for us to take our first vacation for her 16th birthday. I let her choose our destination and she thought I should see Washington DC.
I started planning. And planning. And planning. I set up an itinerary listing what we would do when. We could stay with my best gay, Rob, so we didn’t have to pay for a hotel room.
Rob picked us up at the airport. When we arrived at his condo, I showed him my itinerary. He looked it over carefully and threw it out! He said we would wing it. I knew we'd be fine with a local as our tour guide.
The next morning we got on the subway to start our adventure. Eventually, he surprised me by saying he was going to work. He instructed us to go three more stops then get off and explore.
Here I am in a strange city with no map, no plan, and an almost-16-year-old human I am still responsible for keeping alive.
I should have been terrified by this but I wasn’t. It was exhilarating. We had freedom! Sweet freedom. There was no place we needed to be and nothing we needed to do.
In our four days we saw the typical sights but we also experienced things that were not on my original list. We wandered through China Town,
ate at a very busy dive looking restaurant that turned out to be a local landmark,
and enjoyed burgers at 5 Guys Burgers and Fries before they moved to Wisconsin. We had so much fun that I made a vow that this is how I would always travel.
Now I pick a destination and we find things to do while we’re there. When I remarried, our honeymoon was like this. On our wedding day, family and friends kept asking where we were going. And they were all shocked when we responded that we had no idea.
When it was time to leave, we loaded our camping gear and picked a direction. We headed south. When we reached Kentucky, we decided to stay. We spent a week touring the area, learning about horse racing, visiting museums, and sampling bourbon from every distillery along the way.
There are drawbacks to this type of travel. In Nashville we wanted to see an art museum inside their reproduction of Greece’s Parthenon. Unfortunately, it was closed on Monday. So are most of the tourist locations on Madeline Island.
If we planned our trips, we would not have pulled off the main route to see the covered bridges in Madison County Iowa on our way back from a family wedding. Yes, THOSE bridges.
We would not have experienced the roaring sound of the ice volcanoes in Door County, Wisconsin a few years ago.
Or the Field of Dreams movie site when the hot air balloon festival we were planning to attend in nearby Galena, IL was cancelled due to rain.
Or this actual hole in the wall somewhere in South Dakota.
On our return trip to Wisconsin, we had dinner at this rest stop in Colorado for the same reason we had the pie in Montana. It was close.
This type of
travel has caused my daughter to be fearless. She has traveled through some of the
world’s busiest airports on her own – and many before she turned 18. She
recently moved to New York with no job and no savings, but she had a few friends
who would let her couch surf. She's 23 now and responsible for keeping herself alive and she’s making it work.
It has taught me how to relax and enjoy myself more. I still budget but I no longer panic when the electric bill is too high. OK. I confess. I still shower by night light. It is very relaxing. Try it.
I believe everyone should get in their car, pick a direction, and just go. You’ll be surprised what you learn about where you end up and what you learn about yourself in the process.
With that in mind, I’m going to leave you with this quote from Mark Twain.
It has taught me how to relax and enjoy myself more. I still budget but I no longer panic when the electric bill is too high. OK. I confess. I still shower by night light. It is very relaxing. Try it.
I believe everyone should get in their car, pick a direction, and just go. You’ll be surprised what you learn about where you end up and what you learn about yourself in the process.
With that in mind, I’m going to leave you with this quote from Mark Twain.
prompt: travel
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